If I Had Gills


I sink deep down in a warm bath.

My ears covered, the foam bubbles

muffle the sound of your yell.


You've been home for five minutes,

soaking our walls with a stench I can't get rid of.

Like the resonating sound of our silenced opinions.


In the water I feel safe, I can let my body rest.

My mind goes to a million places

but at least it doesn't go to you.


Tired, I open my eyes. Troubled

vision underwater, I can still see

your mouth move. Your arms swing up and down.


I compare you to my stillness.

I do all I can so as not to move.

I do not want to be your mirror,

              which means I do not breathe either.


I muse the thought of developing gills

right at this moment.              I smile

My mind stays here while your face disappears.

A blurred memory, a shrinking image.


In this darkening picture, I float.

You're gone, and I could swim away

If I had gills.